In some ways, it's probably for the better that all my anger burst forth on Tuesday. Rage and tears.
Cause now I just feel...empty. And heavy. Like there's a weight on my chest and dreams.
Not mad, not exactly sad, mostly just I...ache.
In some ways because I have nothing to define how I should be feeling. We weren't a thing. Some hugs, some stolen kisses, some beard fondling, head butts, and jokes. Maybe 45 total minutes around each other?
Yet she's in me, head and heart.
I'm going to just have to keep going as I am. Remind myself what I used to spend my days thinking about, before.
I'm not giving up. I'm not leaving.
And I'm definitely finishing the project. A month's effort already in, it deserves a finish.
I just know it can't be what I was hoping it could be right now. Not even the small portion I was expecting.
But then, the beauty of an unresolved melody is that it can't end because it hasn't started. It just waits, like the cat, alive AND dead until the right moment.
So I go on. And live. And wait, because maybe, just maybe it will...
AND maybe it won't.
And that...that I can live with.
"War is a forge that gives us meaning."
Make your choice.
- Quantum States